For them

2011 Christmas List

2011-12-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

New Balance 890 Running Shoe
HBR's 10 Must Reads on Leadership
Avett Brother's music (I alread have the Emotionalism Album)
A trip to the artic
A ball pump
Compression shorts
Running shorts (not the super short ones)
A new sleeping bag
National Parks Pass
Tennis racket

What I Learned in Africa

2011-09-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to say about Africa other than thanks to everyone who helped me get there. I like people and I hope the kids remember this like I will. I still remember Simon Says games from when I was a kid. They were always exciting for me.

Amen.

2011-06-21T14:13:00.001-07:00

Cell Phone

2011-06-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

Today my phone popped out of my back pack while biking across some rocks at a park. When I finally realized that's what happened I only found the back cover of my phone. I assume some kid in the park is wandering around with it. So all in all,

my phone is Lost/Stolen. So if I don't pick up or call you back I'm sorry.

Make the decision before the choice comes

2011-05-26T07:35:00.001-07:00

http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=1998-01923-011

Rabble

2011-05-25T08:20:00.001-07:00

Making Progress

2011-04-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

Fund raising for my Ghana Trip and I am making progress.

http://pledgie.com/campaigns/14092

Quote

2011-02-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

I received this quote in an email from the MPA student association:

"We all have so much to smile about, be happy about, yes, even to laugh about... Be happy today. Be happy now... Make up your mind to be happy—even when you don’t have money, even when you don’t have a clear complexion, even when you don’t have the Nobel Prize.Some of the happiest people I know have none of these things the world insists are necessary for satisfaction and joy... They glory in the beauty of the earth. They glory in the rivers and the canyons and the call of the meadowlark. They glory in the love of their families, the stumbling steps of a toddler, the wise and tender smile of the elderly. They glory in honest labor. They glory in the scriptures. They glory in the presence of the Holy Ghost... Don’t worry about searching for who you are; focus your energies on creating the kind of person you want to be! You will discover that as you pursue that journey you will not only find yourself, but chances are you will be pleasantly surprised and proud of the person you find along the way. Do not procrastinate a minute longer. Every moment is precious. Determine now that you will make of your lives something remarkable!" (Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Lessons Learned in the Journey of Life,” Ensign, Dec. 2000)

I think it's pretty darn good.

Also, I am still going to Ghana this summer! I will be working on a research project for the Ghanaian Tomato Market. http://pledgie.com/campaigns/14092

Ghana

2011-01-19T14:45:00.000-08:00

This summer I am going to Ghana as part of an international development trip in my MPA program. I am taking coursework right now in preparation. We will be conducting market research and hope it will be helpful. I don't think I'm going to be able to go in and tell anyone how to live their lives. I am actually hoping to learn from them and hope that some statistical analysis on our side will help in economic decision making.

If you'd like to help by donating $5, $10, $25 or more I'd love it. I've got a fundraising website set up at pledgie.com: http://pledgie.com/campaigns/14092

Other than that I am trying to work hard and do well in school.

Wisdom Essay

2011-01-03T15:14:00.001-08:00

I had to write an essay on the wisdom I had gained for my quantitative decision and analysis class.

Oliver Crane

Wisdom Essay

Reflecting on my first semester at graduate school, it is uncomfortable to define the wisdom I have gained in decision making. Nietzsche said, “We are not “men of knowledge” with respect to ourselves.”1 I would have to agree. It is difficult to self assess, and when I do I think in some ways I am not any wiser than I was in August. In fact I believe I am less wise in certain aspects. The reason for believing this is illustrated by the following quote:

Genuine learning occurs as we stimulate new dendrite growth in the brain. (Dendrites connect neurons for continued, effective thinking.) The three emotional states that interfere with optimal dendrite growth are 1) fatigue, 2) stress, and 3) fear. Most students attending college battle against one or more of these factors most of the time. (Harvard Brain Research Conference, 1998)

This semester has provided plenty of opportunities to enjoy the feelings of fatigue, stress, and fear; and, as a result I have even felt myself retrogressing at times. Not all is lost though; I can still feel that in key areas I am a smarter decision maker. I have indeed felt my brain grow bigger and when I look at myself in the mirror I think, “You look like a smarter decision maker than you did a few weeks ago.”

There are two main areas in which I feel I have grown in wisdom. The first stems from the impact excel has had on my capacity to conceptualize my decisions thus furthering my intuitive capabilities. The second relates to a lesson learned in Professor Walter’s economics class, a conversation I had with Ben Thurgood, and an interview I had with Professor Thompson.

Before this semester I had made lists and charts and stewed on a decision but never had I put everything in to an Excel file like I have this semester. I believe my old way is fundamentally the right way just like there’s also nothing wrong with writing a book by hand, it just takes longer. Through my excel work I was able to put all of my decision factors into one document and itemize them. It is in the visual itemizing that I found power in Excel. I had never before had such clear understanding of the factors in a decision before. I had had very clear understanding of what I should do in a decision situation before but never such a thorough understanding of why I should make the decision I should. I usually go on 130% intuition because I find the factors of life to be incalculable. However, now I feel I can itemize life a little more and understand the specific connections my objectives, alternatives, and risks have with one another. I will no longer try and weigh so many factors in my head. I can write things down for a reason. I have always trusted to intuition and now I have a tool to further my intuition when I cannot comprehend all of the factors at once.

The second wisdom lesson started in the middle of the semester when Professor Walters reviewed the concept comparative advantage. For some reason I made the connection that comparative advantage has to do with one’s life’s work. It was a big breakthrough for me. It makes economical sense to do what you’re good at and what you love. I had been struggling since I was 12 on which profession I should choose. I was struggling because I felt I had to either be a CEO, a top tier lawyer, or doctor when I didn’t really want to be any of these things. When the comparative advantage concept clicked in my head I realized I had been framing the problem incorrectly the whole time. I thought I had to decide between three uncomfortable alternatives. I could never come to any conclusion or resolution on which career path to choose because it was a completely cerebral decision in which I never asked myself what I wanted. Now having an intellectual and economic justification for pursuing a passion I could now frame my life’s biggest problem correctly.

This realization came into greater focus when I was talking with Ben Thurgood about what to do with our lives. He was struggling with what to do with his life. He was thinking about law, and being an economics major that made sense. I told him about what I had recently learned in economics about comparative advantage. I told him that my comparative advantage is not being a lawyer. I could be one, sure, but I could be a much greater teacher. I told him that my comparative advantage was in working with people and inspiring them. Funny enough Ben had never as an economics major applied the term comparative advantage to his understanding of what he should do with his life. He had a Eureka moment just like I had in class. He said he had never thought of that and he seemed much less stressed about life afterwards. This experience with Ben strengthened my conviction of the truth that I should following my passion rather than prestige.

Then two weeks ago I was feeling extremely stressed because I was still struggling with writing even though I majored in English. I knew it was right for me to be in the MPA program but I had not been performing well in school and I started to feel bad about my inability to do well in school. In fact I have never done well in school, not since the 3rd grade at least. I knew though that my performance was not related to my work ethic or my intelligence or my desire to follow the Spirit. With these stresses weighing on me I went to the 7th floor to talk with Professor Thompson in an attempt to get some reassurance. I told Professor Thompson that I knew my comparative advantage was not school and that although I thought differently from other people in the program I still felt I could offer something to the world even if no one else saw it. Luckily Professor Thompson reassured me that he was grateful that I was in the program and that I should not stop being me. The unique qualities that made me me, although not currently recognized through grading as valuable, would make a difference in the long run. This reinforced the comparative advantage lesson and all these things distilled into a wisdom lesson in decision making: When you make a breakthrough in framing a problem have faith in that breakthrough. This lesson validated the very way I functioned daily in my thinking and the lens I saw life through.

I end with a quote from T.S. Elliot: “For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.”2 I think this quote embodies the heart of decision analysis. I can’t force good consequences; all I can do is try. I feel one of the big battles in decision analysis for me still lies not in my Excel skills but in my intuition – can I disconnect from the world long enough to connect to the true vine and let the Lord help me frame the problem correctly?

1 Friedrich Nietzsche. Preface. On the Genealogy of Morals. Ed Walter Kaufmann. New York: Vintage Books, 1967, 15

2 “East Coker,” from The Four Quartets. T. S. Elliot. Stanza 5

BAM!

2010-12-21T15:06:00.000-08:00

I'm just sayin this is where I'm camping next week... http://www.nature.org/wherewework/northamerica/states/california/preserves/art6335.html

And I love this part about their marriage:

Christmas Wish List

2010-12-18T20:12:00.001-08:00

1. Backpacking stove - http://cascadedesigns.com/msr/stoves/category

2. Focus (the attribute not the car)

3. Camel back - or any water backpack that doesn't leak.

4. A cool job.

5. Rhodia Journal - orange journal

6. A catamaran trip around the world

7. Basketball Shorts - Underarmour

8. Tickets to the eventual George St Pierre v Anderson Silva fight

9. Black Athletic ankle socks - Underarmour, nike.

10. Darth Vader's heart, still beating

11. A t-shirt (large)

12. Inception, I want to create an inception in someone's mind.

13. 59Fifty Orioles black baseball hat - I don't know my hat size, so good luck

14. 4:00 Minute Mile. I don't want to break it yet, I don't want to get greedy.

15. A Nike Lunar running shoe, any model but preferably the Eclipse model.

16. Road Trip location package to a cool National Park, maybe the Channel Islands off of the California coast.

**I would ask for a book but I know those who buy books will get me one no matter what I ask for; and, I have too many unread to get more.

Trash

2010-12-08T22:36:00.000-08:00

Hi My name is Oliver.

I like to jump.

Today I accidentally threw away my wallet while eating at Wendy's. We (MPA students) were celebrating by eating frosties.

I realized about 4hrs later what I had done. Dumpster diving was the only solution.

Do you know how much trash Wendy's throws away every day?!

We checked receipts for times of purchase to narrow our searches.

Checked contents to see if the trash was from the right trash can.

There was a lot of trash.

I prayed.

And just as some thought there's no way I'm going to find it. . .

It worked. I found my wallet.

Some where in all of this.

2010-12-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

Grateful for

Nov. 30
1. Kind words from a professor
2. racquetball
3. good conversation - meaning sincerity

Nov. 29
1. Steak and Chocolate milk
2. Almost court side tickets to a Jazz game for free with a good friend
3. Shoveling snow

2010-11-28T20:34:00.000-08:00

Nov. 28
1. Priesthood.
2. President Monson: http://new.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?media=video&lang=eng
3. Organizing, for some reason I am grateful that I have the capacity to organize. I think it's cool to be able to create like that.

Nov. 27
1. Good friends to spend time with after flying. And Johnny we watched some of Curious George together.
2. The temple, I didn't go today, I'm just grateful for that lodestar.
3. My mom said it was one of her best Thanksgivings ever.

Nov. 26
1. The Washington DC Zoo.
2. The Borne Ultimatum movie. All of them really. Never gets old.
3. Scott for driving me to the metro.

2010-11-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

Nov. 25
1. My mission. I would drop anything to go back for six months if I was asked.
2. Being poor. It's so much easier to live simply and to keep track of stuff if you don't have much.
3. Knowing this is mortality. I am grateful I know what this life is not about and what will not make me happy.

Nov. 24
1. I saw a huge rat at a restaurant in DC. I'm kind of grateful I saw a huge rat.
2. Blow up mattresses
3. Sherlock Holmes

2010-11-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

All at Once

2010-11-12T22:11:00.001-08:00

Hoover Dam. Have you see this?

Nov. 23

1. My mom took me to see a fun movie and then to lunch.

2. Getting a bunch of homework done.

3. Being involved with planning in the Boys & Girls club.

Nov. 22

1. Movies. They are fun.

2. Mandy. I know her from Maine and she reminded me of what a great experience that was.

3. Good fitting T-shirts.

Nov. 21

1. Sis. Axley's talk on miracles. It made me stop and think about my life and the miracles I've had. Apparently you don't have to go to Harvard or have a perfect life to be good enough.

2. A good strengthening google chat conversation about Elder Busche's life.

3. I was able to sketch out some ideas for a documentary I want to make.

Nov. 20

1. Ryan, my friend since the age of 4.

2. Saw two black bears in Shenandoah National Park.

3. An employee from the GAO sent me an email in response to our conversation saying that working at the GAO is boring and you don't actually do anything. You just write about what other people do. I would hate that.

Nov. 19

1. Skype - I co-hosted my ward's Price is Right game show in Provo while in DC. Really funny.

2. The week is over, now I can sleep.

3. Jennica for making me laugh over a large intercom system while hosting the Price is Right.

Nov. 18

1. Went to a calm social Mormon party in Alexandria. It was a good breather.

2. Sugar cookies with a big frosting 'S'.

3. Although I stayed up till 3am to finish a project I'm grateful I had something to do.

Nov. 17

1. NPR, I visited them today. They're snobs but it was still cool to see what goes into it.

2. Walking in amazing weather.

3. Architecture that is classic, enduring, and solid.

Nov. 16

1. Timing.

2. Norman Rockwell paintings - specifically the 'Freedom of Speech' one - it was so great to look at them in person.

3. Sincere people.

Nov. 15

1. Oil Paintings.

2. Free Museums in DC - they haven't privatized beauty.

3. Left over money on my Metro Card from last year.

Nov. 14

1. Good examples.

2. My mom for driving me and friends to the hotel.

3. Although things are always changing, I am grateful that some things stay the same long enough to learn from them even if it takes a few years - Like Gettysburg.

Nov. 13

1. Sleep, it saves me from throwing up while flying. I'd rather drive

2. My mom always having food for me. It means she loves me.

3. My mom getting a new house that's everything she wants and deserves.

Nov. 12

1. Homework. I am grateful I have things to do. Much better than nothing.

2. Carl Bloch. I went to his exhibit tonight on campus. Amazing, and free. Used an IPad as a tour guide, way cool.

3. Microsoft Excel. Yup, that's right.

Nov. 11

1. When my MPA program Team clicks well.

2. Music on my laptop.

3. My bed even though it sinks into the center of the earth.

Gratitude

2010-11-10T20:33:00.000-08:00

Nov. 10

1. Well written history

2. Movies - to me they're art. We watched a clip from Schindler's List in Organizational Behavior today on the definition of power.

3. I am grateful that I can jump.

Nov. 9

1. Good timing - had two friends walk into my study room who at first were a distraction but quickly became strengths.

2. Naps that aren't laziness but necessities

3. The well rounded people out there: "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." --Robert A. Heinlein

Grate-a-ful

2010-11-08T23:13:00.000-08:00

Nov. 8

1. Racquetball. Physical Activity is as necessary as sleep.

2. I can't believe I'm actually in grad school. I can't believe they let me in. I am grateful. And they don't care about grades once we're in the program either!

3. I like deep, strong words. I usually don't like others quoting them, haha, but I like knowing about them. Here let me quote one for you:

"It also means recognizing that we are not here on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Way to Be, 95).

P.S. This is a cool video: education

What is going on?

2010-11-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

Gratitude November 7

1. Teaching Gospel Doctrine

2. My sister making me grilled cheese and tomato soup

3. People forgiving and forgetting

3.a. Friends who validate when you weren't looking for it.

Note:

In answer to the previous post's questions:

1. That picture was of me flipping off a lobster boat into the ocean off the coast of Maine.

2. Telephone Murder Charades is the funnest game in the world next to ga-ga ball (which is a form of dodge ball which neutralizes competition and aggression.) One person from one team has to act out a long elaborate way someone can die which the other team makes up. Then the next person has to watch the acting job and act it out for the next person and so on. So funny.

3. I am grateful for homeless people because they humble me. They make me realize a lot about this mortality. I don't believe it matters why they are begging. I beg all the time in my prayers for stuff I don't deserve.

I'll copy My Sister

2010-11-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

I am copying elizabeth who has copied heather. Here are some things for which I am grateful.

Nov. 1

1. Pictures of good times

2. Road Trips and Back flips

3. Maine and Mount Rushmore

Nov. 2

1. Soccer

2. Answering questions

3. The smell of pumpkins and fall

Nov. 3

1. Spiking hard in volleyball

2. The word BAM

3. My Organizational Behavior class and learning about keys to creativity and insight - mixing it up

Nov. 4

1. Man talk

2. Knowing it's ok to be me even if that means not wanting to earn a lot of money

3. Knowing life will click eventually, it has in the past

Nov. 5

1. Telephone Murder Charades

2. Salt on Avocados

3. Prayer and PowerPoint homework over essays any day

Nov. 6

1. The Decemberists' songs CraneWife 1,2, & 3 and the Mariner's Revenge Song

2. Homeless People

3. Good friends who call me on the phone and tell me good things

2010-10-13T10:29:00.000-07:00

Love it.

2010-10-04T20:01:00.001-07:00

The complexity of society is illustrated in this article:

http://www.econlib.org/library/Essays/rdPncl1.html

This is a great response:

http://broadcast2.lds.org/general-conference/2010-october/2010-10-1070-president-dieter-f-uchtdorf-64k-eng.mp3

2010-09-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

2010-08-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm in Provo. I just came from the Black Hills of South Dakota. It was a wonderful time there and I'm grateful for it; but, what isn't there to be grateful for in my life? It seems like everything works for my good, or some body's good.

While in South Dakota I worked at Mount Rushmore as a Intern Park Ranger. And because I only earned $15 a day I got a second job in Keystone working at a fudge shop! Ha! Imagine that. This entire summer was a sacred enough experience that I probably won't talk about it with people. Sure, I'll tell them what I did and how great it was. But how can you talk about something you don't understand, or is so custom fitted that its explanation wouldn't fit any one else? Whatever this summer was I don't know if I'll ever get it back again. But that's ok, there'll be more of life's tender mercies and I don't believe life will now progress into a decrescendo. But it was an experience through and through and I couldn't have made it happen if I had a thousand years of planning. And I don't think I care one bit whether I deserved it, or whether it was prudent, or whether any goals were accomplished. I don't care what was accomplished; or, anything really - it felt good and right and sure enough it was good and right. I wasn't looking for much.

And here I am a year later in Provo. It seems a year ago I was heading out to Maine. I knew things were off then, but I didn't know how to work to fix them. Now a year has gone by and a lot has been fixed. . . I should have stepped out of the way earlier.

From what I've learned so far - I've got no plans, or as Abraham Lincoln said: My policy is that I have no policy. I am going to deal with my situations as I find them, with the relevant data I possess at that time. So, it will be 2 years of graduate work, and that will be fun.

2010-04-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

Because my mom checks my blog every day, here are some of the things I've been up to:

Books I'm Currently Reading
The Infinite Atonement
Mornings on Horseback
Edersheim's Life and Times
Always the Scriptures
Walden Pond
What Lincoln Believed
The Endurance

Fun Places I've Been Lately
Acadia National Park!!!
Old North Church and some other American Revolution Sites
Boston, Salem, Vermont, New Hampshire
Pemaquid Lighthouse, Cape Elizabeth Lighthouse, Marshall Point Lighthouse
Walden Pond
A couple of old forts
Fenway Park
Boat Building School
Of course the Boston Temple
Camden and Rockport

Fun things I've Seen or Experienced
OAR music
Yankees Redsox Game at Fenway
Juggler juggling 9 balls
Did a polar bear jump - 3 times
A professional Clown hose me down with CO2
Canoeing
Jason Veritek hit a homerun over the green monster at Fenway
Bonfire on a rocky beach with an orange moon rising out of the ocean

Great Eats!
Tennessee BBQ! I loved it - ate there three times - I wish there were more around.
On Veterans weekend I ate 3 fresh lobsters with clams and such.
Gelatto
sushi
Pizza in Little Italy in Boston
Klondike came out with a huge ice cream Oreo we have on campus

Things I've done
Kept my standards
Woken up every single morning at 6:30 and studied
Made my bed military style with sheets folded at top every morning
A lot of break dancing for the kids.
Played a lot of Ga ga ball with the kids
Given the kids man speaches and interviews every night
Kept to myself to feel and learn

2010-03-11T19:11:00.001-08:00

Have you ever felt like this:

or better yet, and more appropriately, like this:

Lately I have. And when I am lucky I realize some things I don't like about myself. And in answer to this, I've felt the spirit of the strenuous age. A period in American history where the nature of accomplishments were different. A day wrapping up during Gordon B Hinckley's youth and a day of Teddy Roosevelt's creation. And on even better days I'm too engaged productively to think about it. (I don't think hearts are like cars. You can't fix a heart by troubleshooting it, and you can't improve an engine by using it.)

And so on reflection of the age, previous feelings, experiences, and pictures; and, after having read Mosiah 2:22 - And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you - have you ever felt like this:

or like this:

or better yet, in admiration of this man:

I know these two men are different but they both represent to me work of forward movement or momentum.

I think I can say right now that although I make bad decisions and do stupid things - even when fanatically trying not to - I am not done, I am not forever stuck with my weaknesses. And here's the important thing, I'm not moving on in the fallacy of the strenuous age. I am not, or hope I don't, move on the strength of my own back or will power. That just won't work, William Henley was wrong. I must move on as TR would hammer, but I must move on meekly, dependent, and confident. Confident solely for the reason that the tapestry of my life is being woven by someone who has my good and benefit in mind. An omniscient, loving God who is trying to make me happy and meet my needs. And I think in some twisted way the strenuous age was or is the product of Matthew 10:39.

Polar Bear Freeze in Vermont

2010-03-07T14:04:00.000-08:00

Found It

2010-02-01T07:43:00.001-08:00

Mom, sorry, I can't find my phone.

2010-02-01T06:49:00.001-08:00

Today is Going to be a Good Day

2010-01-07T07:26:00.000-08:00

I am excited about this day.

I feel like Nike has done a good job of describing some of my soul in these commercials.

It's only part of the soul. I am excited for 2010. A year to chase dreams.

Oh yeah not only chase, but get.

On my mind

2010-01-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

The holidays have brought the best things.

I love these songs. I don't know about the pictures in "I don't Mind," I don't watch them. I just like the song.

I hate Hollywood and The World's Idea of Beauty

2009-12-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.dove.ca/en/default.aspx#/features/videos/video_gallery.aspx[cp-documentid=9125381]/

Home for the Holidays.

2009-12-14T06:32:00.001-08:00

I think it's easier to read blogs that are numbered. For this week here are 10 things that have been on my mind lately.

1. Without the gospel I wouldn't have anything good to put here. It's just how it is.

2. I turned down a 5month paid prestigious internship in DC to see if I can make a dream work in the west. My heart wouldn't let me try anything else. "One see's clearly only with the heart, anything essential is invisible to the eyes" (quoted by President Uchdorf).

3. I'm going to be in DC and Pennsylvania for the Holidays. Paid demolition work for my sister!

4. Man I don't look my age. Twice this year I have been carded to see if I was 18.

5. Next summer I will be in South Dakota living a different dream I didn't know I had.

6. I have a job in Maine after that. I don't know if I will go back but there is a wonderful branch there!

7. I still love the song "All These Things That I've Done"

8. I'm happier when I do things that I want to do. In proportion of course.

9. College was extremely difficult for me. Extremely. I want a home of my own so that I'm not living like a sailor or gypsy anymore. The problem is I need a girl to get this done.

10. I hate musicians. They're so annoying with their fashion and their skinny arrogance. I want to hit them in the head with their own guitar and then see how much they whine in an unnatural voice about their emotions.

Progress

2009-12-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

(Note about the picture above: Jackson was crying and as soon as I held him and cupped his head with my hand he stopped. I'm not sure if he was terrified or if he felt safe. I felt a little bad and I hope he didn't think I was going to crush him.)

Thanks everyone for being life for me. For being examples. For all the times I call and ask for help, ask for reassurance, or to tell you something I'm excited about. For being people to react and respond to-life wouldn't mean much without you.

And I feel grateful most often when I am still, when I don't force things. Example: I was in the weight room and swimming pool tonight working out with some kids going into BUDs (Navy SEALs). They were doing a whole bunch of push-ups and pull-ups and stuff and I joined in a bit. But the excellent thing is that I didn't finish everything they did. The swimming part was pretty easy so I didn't have to push much. I am definitely not in the push-up pull-up shape I used to be in so I just didn't finish all of it. In the past I could have done twice what they did by sheer numbers alone. But I didn't want to push myself. I'm still loved without being in SEAL mode. More importantly I just didn't care that I wasn't tough enough or whatever.

Our Valley

2009-12-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

Me and my friend Matt with another year at Sky Mountain Ranch

Balance

2009-12-02T13:41:00.000-08:00

This is a story about a recent tender mercy. Earlier this year I felt I should apply for an internship with the Heritage Foundation. It's a political think tank in DC. I didn't have much going on until grad school so I thought it would be fun. So I got an internship with the Foundation through the help of my professors. It wasn't exactly the internship I wanted but I can't be picky right? I got the offer a week before Thanksgiving and had to decide by the Monday before Thanksgiving. I think I was in Michigan when I called and declined the offer. I realized it wasn't for me.
Then on Wednesday while Matt was taking pictures of granite columns outside of Mount Rushmore, I went inside to look at the books and ranger stuff. I started talking with the ranger and he offered me an internship. I didn't believe it. I told him to wait while I went to get a resume. What are the odds that I would have one readily available amongst everything that I own. But I did and gave it to him. He left ten minutes later to leave to the other side of the state for a family thanksgiving dinner. Good timing. On Saturday morning I emailed him references and stuff. The Monday after Thanksgiving I called the ranger to see if he got my materials. He said he did and then he gave me the internship.
This is how the internship goes: I will be giving two types of tours and a possible 3rd one. The first will be a 1/2 hour trail walk around the base of the monument. All I have to do is spend a half hour talking about why the men are there. Within those parameters I can do whatever I want. The point is to inspire and teach the American people about what made this country and to inspire stewardship in their hearts. The second is about the building of the monument. The third is before an audience of 3 thousand in the amphitheatre and it is strictly patriotic and meant to inspire and to teach. It's like missionary pre-discussions.
On Monday I turned down an amazing internship opportunity and on Wednesday I got a much better, cooler, custom fitted one.

Road Trip Dos

2009-11-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

These pictures are in order. I also saw Ft. Knox-but you're not allowed to take pictures of it. It was a great way to get across the counrty. There were weird situations and tender mercies. This year there have been defining moments and opportunities that have far surpassed my greatest expectations. I suppose them surpassing my greatest expectations is what makes them tender mercies.

Grateful for:
the Lousiville Slugger baseball bat I was able to purchase for $17
being able to stay with my good friend Matt
huge dogs
my worn-in soccer cleats
documentaries and Ken Burns
big skies
music that moves me
being generally stronger than most 13 year olds
people
my shoes that have lasted for over 2 1/2 years--rare
my car and an open country of roads
the National Park system
Maine, Kieve/TLS, and all the people there
Scripture and prayer
good deals on backpacks and jackets

The Final Countdown

2009-11-15T15:46:00.000-08:00

I have six days left till I drive back west. I am excited. I have had a great time coming here, the branch has been amazing. I do not know where I'll be in January. I could be in Rexburg, the Arizona desert, Maine, or Washington DC. If I get the internship in DC I don't know if I could pass it up seeing as how it could positively affect the rest of my life and my future family's quality of life. However, so could following a prompting of the spirit in another direction. Promptings trump anything, as long as I'm strong enough to listen and obey.

I am excited for:

the continuity of a job and the blessings of a calling.
the benefits of hard work and remuneration to save for necessities.
stability in order to pursue friendships, family, coaching, grappling, creation, and education.
a life of faith and the knowledge that it replaces loneliness and trials.

Yeah you, you got what I need!

2009-11-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

2009 has been quite a year. And in two weeks I am going to be driving out to the west coast again and will see great people.

This fall: My friend Matt is flying out to Rhode Island and we are driving out on the 21st of November. I am going to have Thanksgiving in Paul, Idaho with extended family. I am then going to spend the next 2 1/2 weeks finishing up my online class. This takes me to Christmas, I have no idea where I will be going. I am actually tired of the vagrant gypsy life and hope to have an address that is my own to put on applications sometime soon. It has been a challenge since 13 to battle the feeling of this poem:

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky.
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sails shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife,
And all I ask is a merry yarn from laughing fellow-rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over. --John Mansfield

(Note: This poem come from the Dangerous Book for Boys book and I read my boys these poems, war stories, and other extraordinary stories almost every night--depending on their behavior.)

This winter: I also do not know where I will be this winter. I only have two options though. I will either be in DC in January or in the west for a few months tills coming back to Maine for the final 3 months of the school year. Then I have to find somewhere to go for the summer again till graduate school in the fall.

The challenge: Ihave to battle the spirit of adventure and lack of responsibility I feel as a single man. But primarily, I think similar to everyone it is difficult to plan too far into the future because I have no idea what the Lord will put in my path. It is not necessary that I know everything that will come, I will move forward with faith though. Coming out to Maine has been perfect. I have returned to happiness and found new direction in life.

Finally: I know that I have been compelled to give things up that are dear to me. I feel I have learned many lessons right now. And I also hope that while I am learning these lessons I am becoming better myself. I will be happy no matter what happens. My happiness is obedience to the commandments and faith, which is "a moveable feast." This I have always known.

Boston finally happened!

2009-11-02T10:03:00.001-08:00

I finally saw Lexington and Concord. I finally went to Boston and saw some of the city. This has been something I have wanted to do for the last ten years. Although I always have my eyes closed in pictures I still want to share some.

I was so happy on Sunday. I was walking around thinking, "I'm here. I'm really here." I've been reading about the events that took place here and now I'm finally seeing and experiencing it. Funny Things: For Halloween we went to a Masquerade Ball at the Harvard Club with a singles function. I had duct tape holding my glasses together and I couldn't see anything when I took them off. I think I asked a 45 year old women to dance which was so awkward and embarrassing I went and sat down afterwards. I was shaking I was so embarrassed. I don't think anyone could take me seriously because of either my glasses or my squinting. Funny: After a great stake conference with Elder Ballard an 89 year old man drove us around Lexington and Concord for a tour. I have no idea why he was driving. He almost killed everyone around us; including, bikers, other cars, and the gear box. It was so crazy I wasn't even nervous or scared. I just laughed. As you can see by the pictures he is not even looking at the road while driving and is blasting the heat for a 75 degree cab.

That's right sir. They're glasses sir.

2009-10-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

I break and or bend my glasses almost every day. Normally it's from getting hit in the face by someones body that I am wrestling or some ball of some kind. Whatever the reason I hate glasses. Yesterday while playing catch I took my glasses off to bend them a bit and the metal rim around the lens completely broke. I knew this time would come. Every thing breaks. This summer I broke a crowbar. Back to the point, I purchased 2 pairs of the glasses above. They were $25 with prescription and everything. I am excited to see again with nerd glasses. It's a new style and I don't think it will last long because I now can find good cheap glasses for like $10. I can break them without feeling guilty anymore! Wrestling city here I come.

More importantly, my sister had a baby this week. He is not named after me and I am still coming to terms with this. Lilly and I will be forming a protest committee.

Have you ever made maybe one of the most difficult decisions of your life and realised you made the best decision and that you did it because you were a better person than you used to be? I had a situation like that recently. Daily scripture study, prayer, and temple attendance changes who we are in a good way if done with sincerity. It's just how it is.

And finally, every night this week I gave the boys in a cabin a 'how to become a man' speech. Monday night I talked to them about how to treat women. When I finished they asked if I could give them another 'how to become a man' speech the next night. They got quiet and in their bunks Tuesday night waiting for what I would say. Tuesday I talked to them about integrity, Wednesday about values (what you would have integrity about), and Thursday night I gave them their final talk about work and service--that they needed to be good for someone else not just for themselves. What a full week!

Sucess

2009-10-24T18:30:00.001-07:00

This has been such an interesting week in the most extreme sense. Extreme tests of faith followed by great spiritual experiences. On Friday I gave two copies of The Book of Mormon away. Each was to a close friend and each was a private and a sincere experience. In both of these experiences I did not plan them nor did I force them. I love The Book of Mormon and I love these people, I wanted them to have this book. Then today, us three mormons at Kieve, went down to Boothbay Harbor and had more intense spiritual experiences. Great day, great day.

These are some of the things . . .

2009-10-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

I know my mom reads this and I think Elise read my last post; and, sometimes Jessamyn reads. So for the 2.5-4 people who read this, these are some of the things I care about or love in no particular order:

It turns out I am not as deep as I wanted to be -- pretty uncomplicated. I like hitting things, smashing things, running around, and generally wasting energy.

I chose this picture because it moved me. I think I love people; and, it is important to note that I have been taught this.

I love standing for something, alone or with a group. This is because every day is a battle -- if it wasn't I wouldn't love standing for something.

--

Although this is a commentary on child labor I am choosing this photo because it is filled with the pathos of a heart yearning and feeling. And in the business of the day I love taking time to feel and listen. I have regained this here in Maine.

--

Work. I have been saying this for the last few years. I have learned that I'm not as hard a worker as I thought I was, I wish I was more. But dispite this I still love it; and, this love stems from something that work gives me.

--

This is a given that I have recently decided how grateful I am for it. I have read this book so much that I almost forgot if it meant as much to me as it should. I love it, I read it, and I wish I loved it more.
--

This is a pretty simple list. I have tried to complicate it more in my life but my wants or needs are pretty simple -- I really don't need much more to be happy than the essence of what these things mean. I am learning to come to terms with this.

I'm Done

2009-10-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

I recently looked at pictures of college. At first they were good memories. Then I realized some themes or patterns that made me feel ashamed from the first few years (my senior year was pretty good.) Times of passivity, patterns of dishonesty to self, and times of muted happiness. I'm done with these things. I'm moving on. I'm done.

On another note: I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I have made covenants and I have faith that things will work out.

Mom and Boston and More

2009-10-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

My mom came up to visit me the other weekend. You can see her in this picture of us to the left with the EAT sign. I have no idea who the woman in the beanie is.
I also fended off some creepy guy in a North Face store. He wanted me to buy stuff for him. I didn't. I felt clean and honest after.

The LOVE thing in Rockland, ME. The sun was bright.

I finally got to go to the Boston Temple. I am grateful that it is there and that I can go to it, and feel and learn.

I am excited to go to the temple for the rest of my life. An older woman was in the car with us for the ride and she was funny, she was kind.

I have heard multiple times that "A Man for all Seasons" was Gordon B Hinckley's favorite movie. I can tell why. I accidentally purchased it while buying some online books for my Africa class. I watched it. The cinematography is excellent, especially for the time. The music was seldom heard which is a plus in my opinion. If you can't deliver emotion through plot and dialogue you should look into another trade(but then what would happen to Hollywood?) The strand that made this movie perfect in my mind are the ideas that are at play, and the acting which delivered some superbly written dialogue. The role of conscience in this movie is as it should be, ever present and ever dictating one's actions.

Paid to Play Dodgeball

2009-10-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

I do not know what to say. I'm pretty happy in Maine. I haven't had such a consistent release and enjoyment in life in eight years. I have enjoyed just having fun so much that I almost do not trust it.

I laugh every day. I also have periods of reflection and spiritual nourishment every day. I play sports and games every day. I feel the cold weather tighten my skin and the heat negate the need for layers. I run because I want; and, never stop. I teach because I don't want to stop.

I feel little worry because nobody is telling me to worry. I think a lack of confidence in my own judgement and intuitive ability confuses and stresses me more than real trials. It takes time to make decisions. You can't yell at a plant to grow faster than it is-- that's just inappropriate and somewhat rude.

Recent Thoughts

2009-09-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying my time in Maine. I think it's a dirty state in certain ways but beautiful in others. Everyone is a sailor here so they all swear like one.

The state capitol looks huge, but it's like a hollywood set, super small when you walk around it.

I had stake conference this weekend and then last night listened to the CES fireside in which President Dalton spoke. She spoke on virtue. She said without chastity there is no virtue and vice-versa. So true. This weekend supercharged me. It helped me to see how distracting life can be. There are so many things that just don't matter and that suck our focus from us. There is so much of a lack of discipline in those around. Sometimes it seems like discipline and pertinacity is all I've got under me. Grit is something tangible and saves us from the distractions that everyone else allows as necessities. I love to have fun, but how can you have any fun at all if you're not driven towards something great? What do you even have to take a break from?

Left Overs from This Year

2009-09-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

More BarsI ran on a beach
Played games
Made paper with Cami!

I had been wanting to make paper for over a year and I told Cami that it's about time I do it! So she brought over her blender and we shredded my semesters homework and tests. It doesn't take much paper to make paper apparently. It was fun to get out of my system and if we had better screen equiptment the paper would have turned out better. I probably won't do it again for a while but that adventure is over.

Excerpt

2009-09-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

It has been such a blessing to be in Maine. I feel that I can make good choices here, also I can relax and enjoy life.
I am reading "Too Late the Phalarope" and I wanted to share a passage:

. . . And if the homestead could not be seen, for the farms are rich and large in the grass country, he would say where it lay, and what trees grew there, and that there was a girl there, lovely and true, who would make a good wife for a young constable, and might one day bring him riches, so that he could give up the Police, and round in the sun and air. And what was better than that, for in the rain you could hear the plovers calling, and the piet-my-vrou would cry from the kloof, which was like a hand suddenly plucking at the strings of the heart, so that your whole being shook and trembled; and why and why, why no one knew, it was the nature of man and of creation, that some sound, long remembered from the days of innocence before the world's corruption, could open the door of the soul, flooding it with a sudden knowledge of the sadness and terror and beauty of man's home and the earth. But you could not keep such knowledge, you could not hold it in your hand like a flower or a book, for it came and went like the wind; and the door of the soul would not stay open, for maybe it was too great joy and sorrow for a man, and meant only for angels. Yet you could ride again in the rain, in the piet-my-vrou's season, and he would call again, and catch you by the throat and make you tremble. (55)

I thought this was beautiful writing and I wanted to share.

Recently

2009-08-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

Recently I finished working in the Teton Valley and working at Sky Mountain Ranch.

And then I drove 44 hours straight to Maine to work at the Leadership School at Kieve. I don't know why everything happens the way it does and why we sometimes don't get what we want but I believe it's because the Lord is preparing something better for us. It's part of the tapestry of life. Right?

This is exiting but not where I necessarily want to end up. I miss people, especially those people I think are the best thing ever. I have no idea how the next year will turn out. But I know how I'd like it to turn out.

Rexburg and Work

2009-07-26T16:17:00.000-07:00

This is where I Work

Rexburg Skies

Our temple on campus.

Sky Mountain Ranch Where I work

BYU-Idaho's 4-Plex where I play sports

And I went to a jazz concert on campus. I can't remember his name but they said he was one of the best in the world. We were all just happy to have him on campus.

The Option of Motion

2009-07-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

I love action. Not necessarily action movies or that type of action. Although as a child I would have preferred almost anything to Gone With the Wind or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. But I love the reality of movement, work, and completion. Life just doesn't make sense to me unless there's motion.

I also find that without a strong purpose and passion options are debilitating. Do you know what a factorial is? I read in an article in one of my economics books that every time you shuffle a deck of cards it is most likely the first time that arrangement has existed, ever. This is because there are 52 factors or cards that can be arranged 8.06581752 × 10^67 ways . . . I do not understand how many factors there are in my life. One reason is because the more I learn the more factors are introduced into my life--more cards to be arranged. I don't even know how to classify the factors in my life. David McCullough has said multiple times and I agree that nothing ever had to happen the way it happened. There are too many options, too many combinations every day of how something could turn out. I do not have the capacity to goal set my way through these options. Even on my desk right now are easily over 100 items. Scissors, belts, pens, tons of individual papers, books, pictures, vitamin E, a printer, a fan, a copy of the Virginia Gazette containing the Declaration of Independence, keys, 3 medals, movies, items forever going on! So yes, I believe in duty, but options without passion for me is corrupting. I could look online and call all the friends I know in 50 states about possible jobs in the 150+ career fields in America but what the heck? The only way I know how to deal with the infinite is by moving foward in faith, doing what I have have been given to want.

___

"How exciting it could be. And even if it failed, we'd find out something, learn from our mistakes. We have to be ever inventive, take chances. The only people who don't make mistakes are people who don't do anything. We have to be careful about getting stale, about lazily, timidly falling back on formula." --David McCullough

Put on the Line

2009-06-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

2009 Winter Titans.

In the Movie St Ralph, Chester and Ralph get in a fight.

Chester: I forged letters for you! I put myself on the line!
Ralph: No you did Chester, you've never put yourself on the line!

I know many people on this team put themselves on the line. It was a great feeling and a great semester even though we got last at championships. But, there have been times of lackluster commitment on my part in other areas of my life. Those times are not as rich in my memory. I'm still grateful for the ride though and for the chance to try and to attempt. I'd rather feel failure and commitment than bitter-protection.

Books and Canyons

2009-06-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Cry, The Beloved Country.

It is not a quick read, and it is not meant to be. My roommate Chandler says it's like reading poetry. It is written beautifully and naturally. I wanted to blog about this and include a couple of excerpts:

-I suppose so. But I wish now that I'd known more of him. You see, the things that he did, I've never had much to do with that sort of thing.
-Nor I either, James. His life was quite different from ours.
-It was a good life by all accounts. He sat, she lay, in silence, with their thoughts and their memories and their grief.
-Although his life was different, he said, you understood it.
-Yes, James.
-I'm sorry I didn't understand it. Then he said in a whisper, I didn't know it would ever be so important to understand it. (175)
--
And when he nodded, she said, Give it to me, Stephen. With shaking hands he gave it to her, and she read it also, and sat looking before her, with lost and terrible eyes, for this was the child of her womb, of her breasts. Yet she did not sit as long as he had done, for she stood up and said, It is not good to sit idle. Finish your letters, and go to see Kuluse's child, and the girl Elizabeth that is ill. And I shall do my work about the house (273).

--

I also wanted to include a few picture from my Rim to Rim hike of the Grand Canyon (I was told not to bring a backpack because a Camelback would be provided . . . it was a fanny pack.)

Thank You.

2009-06-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

While at work this week I was fixing fence in a pasture facing the Tetons. (I did not take this picture, but this is what I have to look at every day at work.) The area had tons of different mixes of grasses and other plants. I did not realize how much variety there was in the area. Anyways, while fixing fence I heard some Crane's mating call. I looked and two Sandhill Cranes were rocking out to their mating dance. They were jumping high up in the air, running around each other, chasing each other, flying around, and lots of other things. They are beautiful birds. I just stopped working and watched them. I can't believe I got to see that.

On a second note, I checked my email today and was surprised when I read this email. It was interesting to read after meeting with the Air Force today and found out that I completely qualify to enter the pararescue pipeline:

Dear Oliver,

I am a faculty member in the MPA program at BYU, and was a member of the admissions committee that decided which students to admit to the program next year. I’m sure you were disappointed to learn that you weren’t admitted. Our decision about your application was a very difficult one, and the committee spent a great deal of time and discussion about you. I believe we were all intrigued by the qualities and perspective you have to offer, and would like to have included you in the next MPA class. However, there were aspects of your application that raised concerns (among them, your GPA), which made you less competitive in comparison with other applicants.

The reason I am writing is that the committee feels you are one of a small handful of denied applicants who has a strong potential to be accepted into the program in the future (if you remain interested). Of course, I cannot guarantee future admission. However, I would welcome the opportunity to speak with you to give you some suggestions about steps you can take to strengthen your application and thus improve your chances to be accepted in 2010.

If you happen to be in Provo some time this summer, I’d love to meet you. Or we could schedule a telephone conversation, if you are interested in continuing to pursue the MPA program.

Again, my regrets that we didn’t have better news for you this year. You are clearly a remarkable young man with great promise.

2009-06-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

I recently graduated from college

It was supposed to be the beginning of a long journey

So, to celebrate I went on a road trip

I went to Crater Lake in Oregon

got lost and almost died in some Oregon mountains (picture of us trying not to freak out)
To the Redwood Forest

To Lombard Street

to China Town

and to a baseball game

Which was at San Francisco

I got Wet

played some games

hiked the Grand Canyon (just recently, not on the road trip)

. . . but Here I stand
Ready to heal, and start, and feel, and ultimately do.

Entertainment

2009-05-20T14:30:00.000-07:00

What an information overload I experience every day! There is too much, so much to absorb, process, and weigh every day. I feel entertained to death, not as of recent but as a generation. I do not think it is anyone's fault. I think efficiency in communication, education, and mass production with higher rates of global political and economic stability have created a society in which I have to chose to not be entertained. I can see in one evening the quality and intensity of entertainment that people used to save up for a whole week for. Or so I read in my history books.

One time I got my back scratched so much in church that my back became numb and I just wanted to listen to the talks. I can't handle music, internet, and tv as much as what happens at college. And so I go this summer up to work at a ranch in Victor, ID. I need time to feel. I don't want to be the audience that the White Stripes are describing:

If I could govern better, possibly by kicking roommates out of the apartment, the amount of noise media I would not need to do this. Battle on ADD.

Puzzled

2009-05-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt from a Creative Non-Fiction essay I once read about the baseball player Roberto Clemente. I loved it because I believe there is safety and strength in living a guileless life.
“For Clemente, life was always about the right way to play the game, like when, in a game against the Astros, he ran flat-out into a wall, risking injury on a relatively meaningless play. “A catch for the ages,” the Houston Chronicle called it, but some were dismayed.
Why did you do this? Why risk injury on a nothing play?
Genuinely puzzled because the answer was so obvious, Clemente answered simply, “I wanted to catch the ball.” CNF pg.317

Found the Song on Pandora

2009-05-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

CREATE

2009-05-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Looks Like I'll be out West for a While.

2009-05-02T23:15:00.000-07:00

Another Rejection Email: May 2, 2009
Oliver --
Thanks for your emails and materials. As always, it was great to speak with you.

I hope that we will one day have you back as part of our team but, unfortunately, that time isn’t here yet. For a variety of reasons, we have hired another applicant for the position opening up in a few weeks. It has nothing to do with your qualifications which we know and appreciate. I am hoping that we will be able to speak with you again when the next position opens, probably next year. In the meantime, please keep in touch and stop in when you are in the area.

Congrats again on your graduation, and good luck with your next endeavor.

3 Years

2009-04-21T14:36:00.001-07:00

So I finally finished reading Jesus the Christ again. It has taken me 3 years. The reason why it has taken me so long is as follows:

I have been majoring in English with minors in History and Economics--this means limited discretionary reading time.
It wasn't a straight read through--I was looking for themes in Christ's teaching style and actions.
It's 736 pages and I read slow.

I did this because I had a teacher say one day in class that he was going to his doctoral dissertation on the pedagogy of Christ. I told him after class that I wanted to be his research assistant. He said ok; so, I started researching Jesus the Christ (written by James Talmage). I did this while I was working at Anasazi. My teacher abandoned the project, but I could not. I don't like to give up. It's not that big a deal but I'm proud that I didn't give up.

This is the link to my report: http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=ddff6qx9_33gj2fnwhd

Graduated

2009-04-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

How I approach it.

2009-04-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Not looking. Just Ready.

Graduating from College

2009-04-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

I realized how much cowboy blood I have. I get a little restless.

Both of my grandparents fought in WWII; one in the Navy in the Pacific as an assistant medic, the other in the army in Europe in the Battle of the Bulge.

My great-grandfather fought in WWI for Germany and earned the Iron Cross, which is the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor. One of my great grandparents was a Catholic and one was a Protestant—they married in Europe. They joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and when Hitler came into power and rising in 1933, they immigrated to America.

My ancestors are pioneers, figuratively and literally.

One of my ancestors was a body guard of Joseph Smith. He also worked on the Nauvoo temple—one of his journal entries looked like this: “Pushed a wheelbarrow 18 miles today.”

I’m sure we all have something in our blood we can be proud of. I know there’s the dirty and disgusting also. But I am choosing to find identity in the triumphs of my blood, my ancestors.

I don’t care about the failures when I feel the pride of victorious facts. They meant something to the people around them, or at least me.

Now it is to me, this Friday, to begin to do something that my grandchildren will find gratitude in. It will and must be something courageous, something worth living for.

Relief

2009-04-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am taking a break from writing for school. That's it. I have been writing for 5 straight hours. And if you're reading this blog it means you've probably been to college so you know how common this is. So laughter is good for relief:

My Mission was Real Life

2009-03-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

On my mission I found a pattern. That pattern was that the Lord blessed you for your efforts. Life was spiritually holistic. If I was poor at memorizing but worked at it and tracted my heart out, even if I didn't get anything from that tracting--somehow things worked out. I was blessed because I was trying, even if the trying was unrelated to the area I was seeking blessings in. (I don't care about the preposition rule.) However, in college if you are poor in writing but work really hard and do well in other areas, too bad you're dead--college is not holistic and if you want to do well you have to do well regardless of your proportional conditino. Effort means nothing. I don't think life is like college. Same with college itself. I believe that life works out like a mission. You work hard, do your best, and things will work out. Because honestly people fall short of so many things in so many ways there is no way we could collectively honestly qualify for blessings. The efforts of our hearts and faith qualify us. Life is holistic and the Lord is over all. D&C 4.

2009-03-18T22:37:00.001-07:00

I received an email today from a swimmer on my team. I don't even know what to do with it. It is a counter to the news I received Monday. I coach and I love it:

oliver,

I don't know how you felt todays practice went but what I could stay for, I loved. I don't know if I could have finished all the set, including the deck work but I sure as heck would have tried. I don't know if you realize what the team is willing to do for you. I think that if you had told us to keep on trying to do push ups and crunches and so forth, we definitely would have gone till we couldn't go anymore. I don't think that our team is one for quitters. We are tough crowd under a tough leader. I like being pushed beyond what I can do because that is how I get stronger. I probably will be a little sore from the 50 pushups I did do, but I would have willingly done all 300 or whatever was written on the board. I want you to know that I appreciate all that you put into the team. See you some time tomorrow maybe.

and here is a good song:

2009-03-16T17:15:00.000-07:00

3/16/2009

Oliver Crane
570 s 2nd w apt 15
Rexburg, Idaho 83440USA

Dear Oliver,

Thank you for your recent application for admission to graduate study at Brigham Young University. We regret to inform you that the Public Administration MPA program has not recommended you for admission for Fall 2009.

2009-02-15T23:32:00.000-08:00

I am an English major and I am required to analyze character motivation. I say so what if someone is annoying, mean, angry, a liar, etc. Good job you've found a flaw. So what. Are you really going to dehumanize someone and discount them because they're not good at something or even trying to be good? It seems a silly reason to like or dislike people because of who they are. Why no take control of your life and start liking people because you're not a victim of their traits, habits, or personality? Start being a leader.

Shylock in the Merchant of Venice makes a good point in act iii scene i.

To bait fish withall, if it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge; he hath disgrac'd me, and hindred me half a million, laughed at my losses, mocked at my gaines, scorned my Nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies, and what's the reason? I am a Jew: Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dementions, senses, affections, passions, fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subiect to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same Winter and Summer as a Christian is: if you pricke us do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us doe we not die? and if you wrong us shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility, revenge? If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example, why revenge? The villany you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.

Everyone's got a story.

2009-02-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

Maintain the Fury

2009-02-12T23:35:00.001-08:00

Another good song.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99455777

Good Song

2009-01-28T18:41:00.000-08:00

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=99340118
Song: "Booker"
Artist: Milton
CD: Grand Hotel
Genre: Folk-Pop

2009-01-28T17:55:00.000-08:00

House Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio said, "We have to act -- we have to heal the ailing economy. The question is how to do it best; we think that fast-acting tax relief is the way to get it done."

President Obama said: "We must move swiftly and boldly to put Americans back to work, and that is exactly what this plan begins to do."

Now, I don't know a lot about politics, economic theory, or tax law; but, I have read my scriptures and know a bit about human motivation and working with people. I find false the assumption the Americans need to be put back to work. Who stopped us?

Article Referenced--http://money.cnn.com/2009/01/28/news/economy/house_vote_wednesday/index.htm?eref=rss_topstories

2009-01-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

2009-01-12T11:37:00.001-08:00

Hello I'm Oliver Crane. I was born in Minnesota, but grew up in Gaithersburg, Maryland. I served my mission in the Utah Salt Lake City Mission. I was really mad when I got the call but ended up loving it so much. I graduate this April in English and hope to go to grad school in the fall in something other than English. I like people, playing sports, working with my hands, and just plain working hard. I like goals, food, and I fall asleep on dates during a movie. I can’t stand TV because I get sucked in, I think everyone’s got a story, and I do not respect actors’ or musicians’ opinions on anything outside their trade. I wake up early and think that fast food is gross after you eat it. I think I’m young and find a sense of self through conflict. I like my eggs scrabbled with cheese, my steak medium rare, and I love how girls smell when they walk by. It’s ok when people fail, and you get a personal judgment bar every morning you look in the mirror.

2008-12-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

This is the job I had this past semester. It was probably the coolest oncampus job I have had.

2008-12-06T21:24:00.001-08:00

I thought this was funny:

Genuine learning occurs as we stimulate new dendrite growth in the brain. (Dendrites connect neurons for continued, effective thinking.) The three emotional states that interfere with optimal dendrite growth are 1) fatigue, 2) stress, and 3) fear. Most students attending college battle against one or more of these factors most of the time.
(Harvard Brain Research Conference, 1998)

I thought this was perfect:

Stanza 5

So here I am, in the middle way, having had twenty years—
Twenty years largely wasted, the years of l'entre deux guerres [between “the two” world wars]
Trying to use words, and every attempt
Is a wholly new start, and a different kind of failure
Because one has only learnt to get the better of words
For the thing one no longer has to say, or the way in which
One is no longer disposed to say it. And so each venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling,
Undisciplined squads of emotion. And what there is to conquer
By strength and submission, has already been discovered
Once or twice, or several times, by men whom one cannot hope
To emulate—but there is no competition—
There is only the fight to recover what has been lost
And found and lost again and again: and now, under conditions
That seem unpropitious. But perhaps neither gain nor loss.
For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.
“East Coker,” from The Four Quartets
T. S. Elliot

I think this is what the would needs to hear:

. . . I would go back to a home that has a mother there . . . . I ask you . . . what good is a big picture window and the lavish appointments and the priceless décor in a home if there is no mother there? The mother as a mother, not as a breadwinner, is an essential figure in the battle against immorality and wickedness. I would also go back to the family where children were accountable and where father was the head of the family.

Would you think me naïve if I were to propose that this battle ultimately will be won on such simple grounds as the children coming in after school to homemade bread and jam and Mama there? Or on such grounds as Daddy and Mama taking their youngsters to Sacrament meeting? Or that tender hug as they are put to bed and Daddy and Mama are saying, “We need you in this family. You are part of us, no matter what your troubles are, you can come home. (Boyd K. Packer, quoted; The Miracle of Forgiveness, 69.)

2008-12-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

It's kind of a bad shot but this was championships today.

2008-12-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

2008-11-20T22:08:00.000-08:00

Funny and True.
http://consumerist.com/consumer/clips/snl-skit-dont-buy-stuff-you-cant-afford-252491.php

2008-11-09T12:47:00.001-08:00

Badger Creek caretaker winter 2007!!

I was 24 back then.

This was one of the best experiences of my life. My job was to snow machine and groom cross country trails at the base of the Tetons in Tetonia, ID.

It really looked like this every sunset. I got it before the clouds got painted by the sun so it's not as good in picture.

I was able to cross country ski around the property.

This is the yurt. One time I slept in it with a 0 degree bag. It was a bad idea, unfortunately it was 20below that night. I had cross country skied up to it so I was really warm before sleeping and couldn't tell how cold it was. I also had the stove going inside, but it turns out that the stove was a cooking stove and not a heat producing stove. All in all, the coldest night of my life.

This is the tractor I would drive and one of the snow machines I used to groom cross coutry trails. I got the sled stuck on a sharp turn and had to pull it out with the mini tractor.

Finally pictures from the cabin!

2008-11-09T12:08:00.000-08:00

So I lost my keys a week ago and haven't found them. They have my jump drive and of course the key to my car. My jump drive has all my homework on it. Oh well. Wait I just found them.

2008-10-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

So I accidentally offended the people at the party with my comment. I am sorry.

Anyways, I was thinking about how I've been acting lately. It reminded me of Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. I think my little sister is like Lilo, completely oblivious of my energy and destructive tendencies--she just sees the cool things I can do.

And it's my mom's birthday today, so that's cool that I have sisters to remind me about that.

Air

2008-10-24T23:34:00.001-07:00

Sometimes parties are really a big waste of time, people aren't fun to talk to, so it's time to jump.

2008-10-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

Bowling Ball

2008-10-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

So I broke a bowling ball and the guy let me keep it. Too strong.

2008-10-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

I get so frustrated sometimes, and I don’t know how much my attending this university has anything to do with it. But whatever it is, there is advice being given all the time here. It’s like we live in a culture of advice givers. Everyone has every solution to every single one of our problems in every situation in our life because we feel we grasp all eternal truth. It’s like no story we go through is hard because everyone knows the ending if we make the correct plot choices, we don’t even get a chance to effectively feel the story out. Because I know the gospel is true I should know that being sad or confused is a result of sin, heaven sent trials, or some other condition that can be summarized by a scripture mastery quote. There are so many quotes and spiritual thoughts that I can’t even think! Every situation I find myself in I think, ‘Oh, I already know the problem and answer, I just need to apply through hard work and gumption;’ but, jumping to the end of the story with a scriptural solution before seeing the plot through forces me to live a scripted life. Thomas Plummer quotes S.I. Hayakawa about living a preprogrammed life:
Most people don’t know the answer to the question, “How are you? How do you feel?” The reason why they don’t know is that they are so busy feeling what they are supposed to feel, thinking what they are supposed to think, that they never get down to examining their own deepest feelings. "How did you like the play?" "Oh, it was a fine play. It was well reviewed in The New Yorker.@ With authority figures like drama critics and book reviewers and teachers and professors telling us what to think and how to feel, many of us are busy playing roles, fulfilling other people's expectations. As Republicans, we think what other Republicans think. As Catholics, we think what other Catholics think. And so on. Not many of us ask ourselves, “How do I feel? What do I think?” C and wait for an answer.[i]

2. Thomas G. Plummer, "Diagnosing and Treating the Ophelia Syndrome," Lecture delivered to Delta Phi Alpha, the German Honor Society at BYU, April 5, 1990.

2008-10-07T22:55:00.001-07:00

So today I was frustrated up the wahzoo! So instead of going to devotional I went to the temple. Luckily the devotional was the Rexburg temple president talking about how we should go to the temple more. Then I didn't do any more homework the rest of the day, just played sports and worked out. I realized something today: I hate sitting still. One of the sets during swim practice was a 900 im! Then I ran a dry land practice with my swim team latter tonight. We ran 2miles and then did a series of 100m sprints with pushups and situps in the middle. After than me and my roommate went and played catch with so girls for a while. All I did today was run around and I loved it, so much happier than when in my English classes. Well I have just more clearly defined a need I need to fill and not feel bad about.

2008-10-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

a little energy + inbetween conference session + frustrations with every single girl in Rexburg + a big box of apples + a baseball bat + roommates = fun

Sometimes

2008-10-01T21:53:00.000-07:00

"It was their beliefs and the motivation that came therefrom that pulled them through. Evevryone of us is largely the product of his or her beliefs. Our behavior is governed by these. They become our standards of conduct." --This I Believe, Gordon B. Hinckley